Writer at a Crossroads

Maybe you could call this an update. I'm not sure I really have much to update anybody about but at least I can spend a few moments running over my state of mind right now. It's been a bit since I wrote anything I would call a blog post let alone anything interesting enough to relate here for those who still read my missives.

I've said previously that I'm done with ghostwriting. But, thing is, I didn't completely stop writing books on a for-hire basis. I wrote a few that way before I just hit a colossal wall related to the process. I initiated involvement in several books projects and ultimately ended the contracts before they even began simply because I just didn't want to write books that I would never be able to claim again and certainly would never gain anything monetarily. 

The kind of ghostwriting I was able to land did not pay good rates. I was lucky to get a penny a word, maybe two cents. 

Bottom line: People do not want to pay writers. You know the people that make their dreams possible as publishers and make them money. Content creators are constantly getting shit on. I just can't believe people still paying such paltry amounts for original fiction. More importantly, as a writer, we are just handing over all our rights to stories and copyright for basically nothing. It's the worse kind of business thinking. 

And I've succumbed to it too just because I've needed the cash. I hate that it comes down to this. But it has... and more than once. At this point, I've taken on gig work like DoorDash just to avoid seeking out a more standardized job. I'd rather not be beholden to somebody else's schedule and demands. But I can't quite make such work substantial enough to pay bills so I'm always drawn back to ghostwriting. 

But what about my own books, you might be asking. 

Ah, that's the worst part.

I've not been writing much at all when it comes to my own fiction. I've started a small town romance but it's been in limbo mostly because of all the other books I've done in between. Instead of concentrating on my own work I've been a damn ghost. 

I put the breaks on everything lately and actually stopped to take a good look at where I'm at in life here lately. Yeah, it was probably spurred on by my 46th birthday, but it needed to happen. 

I need to stop and recognize that the path I'm on right now is the wrong one. The question is, what's the right path for me at this point.

My life is in something of a shambles right now and I need to find a way to set things right. That's the truth. 

So, here I am, a confused guy but also still writer, looking for a way to make those very old dreams come true and actually make a living a fiction writer. But on my own terms.

Anyway, maybe I'll come back to the blog with more thoughts as I attempt to sort this mess out.